Hi, Storytellers, it’s A. E. I’ve returned. It has been 2 years since my last post, and A LOT has happened to me in the time I’ve been silent. So just in case you missed my last WordPress post in 2024 that had updates, you can find it here. I’m also on Substack, and I published my 2026 updates that you can read here.

        So back in 2024 here on WordPress I said that I’d write a Personal Piece about breaking my ankle and losing my best friend, and how that affected my writing. I also said I’d do a book review, but now that I’ve finally returned to WordPress, I’d rather talk about what is closest to my heart.

        That is this personal story about breaking my ankle and losing my best friend. Or who I thought was my best friend. So, in the 2 years since my last post,  I broke my ankle, lost my best friend, been out of grad school, stopped writing entirely out of heartbreak, found a new church, healed, and I’ve actually gotten into a new grad school, and have created my own writing community.

        So a lot has happened. God saw me through all of it and getting back to my life even better than before. It was difficult, dealing with a broken ankle and a broken heart at the same time. Getting dumped as a best friend, even as an adult, doesn’t stop hurting.

        I’ve swallowed the pain that I wasn’t wanted anymore, and turned my attention towards healing my ankle, and getting back into my writing.

I started journalling again, after all, what more to tell your journal that your best friend has abandoned you? And I picked up my sketchbook again. I started finding new author channels to watch on YouTube, and joined a bunch of new online writing and artist communities on Meet-Up and Sketch-A-Day.

        I joined Substack. I wanted to find people who do want me, and won’t throw me away once I’ve lost my usefulness. And I did find them. I also realized…I already had them. I already had long-lasting friends who have been with me this entire time who never pushed me away, and thrown me away and treated me like they don’t care about me anymore, for any reason, have never made me feel unloved. They’ve been here, and when I told them what happened, they helped me see the truth of what the entire relationship was like, and were there to help me heal.

        And you know who was really there the entire time? God was. I prayed to Him that I needed help, that I needed someone, and I found a church that really surrounded me, supported me. This church I found literally 5 to 10 minutes away from my house has breathed such new life into me, that I am better than I ever was now that this friendship is over. I was heartbroken without this person, but I really am now thriving in their absence.

        I am being intentionally vague, so you see, I do intend to tell the entire story, but not in a blog post. It’s too long and painful to not give it a proper re-telling.

        So, the sensation of abandonment I got when this person threw me aside was so intense. That once I couldn’t do anything for them anymore they had no use for me, it really, really broke me. That’s why I couldn’t write anymore.

        They actually later reached out again, months later, while I was still recovering and wanted my help. The way my heart dropped, my stomach tightened, I realized I was still reacting to their words. And I also could tell from their messages that they only wanted from me. They had no intention of actually being friends with me again. And most likely once I helped them, they’d go back to ignoring me. I would only be hurting myself, wanting emotional attachment from someone unable to give it without transaction. I couldn’t open myself up to be hurt by them again, so I didn’t.

        The way my pastor put it is “seeds.” The way seeds can be planted in someone from a young age. A seed of abandonment planted when watching a father walk out of the door when you’re a young child. A seed of anger planted when parents argued all throughout your childhood. A seed of alcoholism when you’ve inherited drinking from your bloodline.

        I do have deep seated abandonment issues from watching my father, and every father figure leave me. When it’s happened so many times, it gets ingrained inside of you…like a seed. It just made me think I am disposable. That its easy for people to not need me. That I am unlovable. That ending a relationship with me and walking away from me, well, I clearly don’t matter. And watching this person I believed was my very best friend abruptly drop our relationship only deepened that sense of abandonment.

        Once they were gone, and I didn’t restart a doomed relationship when they only wanted more from me, I was left to pick up the pieces. I began to rebuild a broken heart. I found a new church and met new people. I learned what real love is, and not being used for an end goal, then left behind once I served no purpose.

        They also did again reach out a second time, in an email this time, explaining themselves. It was like putting a band-aid over deep clawed furrows that had been scoured into me. I can’t fully explain the email here but like I said, I will properly tell the full story in a different medium.

        I did reply to this email with the faint hope that actually, maybe our relationship could be saved. Maybe they would actually want to be friends again. Because deep down, I wanted us to become close as we were again.

        Listen…I truly loved this person. I think they knew, or had begun to get the idea, because they let me know they don’t like it when someone who is a friend tells them they like them more than friends, and they view it as a betrayal. It’s like they were warning me against confessing any feelings to them.

        I bent over backwards for this person. They went on a birthday vacation to a hotel for themselves. So I sent a care package to their hotel to surprise them. I decorated the box. I baked a treat that they used to love from their childhood that they had reminisced about. I put birthday presents and a homemade card inside. I did all of these things, and mailed it. This cost over $200. And I didn’t do it so they would thank me and praise me. I did because I cared about them and I wanted them to have an amazing birthday, to come to the hotel and find a present waiting for them in their room. We did a zoom call so they could open up their birthday box, and we had a great time.

        Seeing their smile made me happy. Seeing them happy made me happy. I wanted to give this person everything, and rescue them from their cruel home life. And I actually did, all the information I gave them helped them escape. And once I was no longer useful, rather than being a part of their new life, I was exiled.

        For me, what is the most saddening, is that we had so many plans about what we would do together once they had escaped their life. Like plans to visit each other in our new homes, plans for vacationing together, plans for cooking for each other, plans for holidays. But those plans went up in smoke when my usefulness ran out. I was blocked on social media, the chat ended, and I was totally ignored. Except for those two instances when this person reached out, once for help, once to let me know they had gotten their new life, one without me in it.

        And I’m left wondering why. Why is it so easy to eject me? Why is it so easy to leave me behind? And I’ve come to realize it’s not that it’s me who’s the wrong one. It’s on them. It’s these people who have no trouble with ending relationships, and cutting ties, and ruining good things. It doesn’t mean I did anything wrong or there is something wrong with me or I deserved to be abandoned. I shouldn’t internalize someone else’s decision to move on, and blame myself when they have a commitment problem, or they have learned helplessness, or they run away because they can’t trust safety. That’s not something I have to take on myself. No one does.

        So I’m healed and I am moving on to better things, greater things, and I have given my success to God. The future here on WordPress is to turn this site into a landing page. WordPress will simply host the books I’ve published, where to buy, where I will be at events, upcoming books, things like that. Totally revamped. It’ll have an archive section where all my previous posts are, but no more blog entries. My writing will continue on Substack.

        Thank you to everyone who has supported and encouraged me, and followed me for my long blogging career on WordPress. It’s been a lot of fun and I’ve adored the community and time I spent here. If you can follow me onto Tell Your Story on Substack, you’ll be find there I’m am posting my articles on writing, my stories, notes, and encouraging others to tell their stories. You can find my feed at here. If you’d like to support me, you can buy me a coffee here. Any amount is greatly appreciated. Your support will allow me to do much more, like open a merch store, hold tables and events, pay for the site design, and much more! Don’t forget to keep writing your own stories, and don’t let anyone make you feel unwanted, unloved, and lastly keep writing, Storytellers!   

  Signing off, A. E.